Everything For Nothing
This is a new place for me to exist in. The place of having absolutely given all and in turn, receiving nothing.
On Sunday I raced in the Baylor Tom Landry Sprint Triathlon. I chose this race because three years ago, it was the first race I podiumed in as a triathlete. This year, my season is all about building to Copenhagen mid-August, so I thought an easy early season sprint, that isn’t a large or well known race, would be a good place to boost my confidence, and grab a piece of that podium again.
I’ll go ‘head and cut to the chase, I did not podium.
I pushed hard through the whole race. Posted a 19.3 mph average on the bike, negative split mile over mile on the run. Kept screaming to myself as I redlined the run: NO REGRETS, and pushed harder as I told myself: “oxygen is for the weak.” But, my best wasn’t enough. I got 5th place in my division. Two minutes and 30 seconds was the difference between the top five finishers for my age group.
Now, as a matter of comparison, with the same time, I would’ve placed 2nd last year with the 3rd place finisher being a full six minutes behind me.
I did the math. I planned the attack. I knew I had to win it on the bike. Which I did. I was ranked 33rd out of all competitors on the bike. The four women in front of me were 69th, 93rd, 94th and 87th. None of them were even close. I knew I had to burn up my lungs on the run, which I did. But still it wasn’t enough. I PR’ed my time that won me second place three years ago by over 16 minutes.
It wasn’t enough.
How the numbers broke down: I was 5th out of 17 in my age group; 29th out of 91 by gender; and 89th out of 222 overall competitors.
Did I have a stellar race? Yes. Did I execute according to the plan? Hands down, no shadow of a doubt, YES. Should I be proud of the effort? Heck yeah! There were just four other people who were a few seconds faster than me. Coach said he’s pleased and I should be pleased. I am, but it’s slighly darkened by a bittersweet memory of having fully given everything without a single regret, yet falling short nonetheless.
Gimme a couple days, I’ll shake it off, and train on.